Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
