So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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