she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
