the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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