if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
