To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
