she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
