im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
