I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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