google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
