I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
