Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
