Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
