How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
