I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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