Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so let's talk penis.
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We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
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Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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