she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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