Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
