Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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