Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He felt like a one man threesome
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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