Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
