I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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