I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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