we have officially lost it.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
