i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
