Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
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All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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