It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
