Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
