I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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