He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
