Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
