You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
