i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
