A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
