he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
