I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I am available for nakedness
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
