new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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