can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
