I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
