Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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