I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 2 1 whiskey
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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