He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
