My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
