I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
