doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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