Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
