New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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