Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
