I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
