I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
