Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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