did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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