i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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