maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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