he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I look better un-naked...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
