the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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