the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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