Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
