I am spending my child support on dildos
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
