If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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