he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
