Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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