Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
