I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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