my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
