I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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