Plan B is the new Plan A
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
