his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
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I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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