I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
