Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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