He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
