Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
